What is Domestic Violence?

If you feel unsafe, threatened or in fear, whether from a current or past partner or a family member, you may be in an abusive relationship. Domestic violence and abuse occurs across all cultures, backgrounds, ages and genders and is the abusive control of one person over another.

The Personal Impact of Domestic Violence

While every person’s experience of violence is individual and personal to them, including what forms the violence took or for how long they endured it, what unites them is that it is never their fault. Many forms of domestic violence and abuse can leave physical injuries or marks as well as psychological impacts on your mental well-being.

Domestic violence and abuse may include:

Physical

Shoving, punching, kicking, hitting with an object, pulling hair, choking, cutting, restraining with force, hurting children, family members or pets. Physical violence can get worse over time and lead to life-changing injuries or death.

Emotional / Psychological

Threats, verbal abuse, name-calling, shaming, dictating where you go or see, depriving you of sleep, preventing you from working, studying, having relationships with friends and family, isolating you, damaging your belongings, stalking, controlling what you wear, eat, even use of contraception.

Financial

Controlling your access to money so you depend on them and feel you can’t leave. Coerces you to take out debts you can’t afford, denies you access to bank accounts and family income, and refuses to pay maintenance.

Sexual

Any non-consensual sexual activity, including pressuring you to engage in sex acts that you are uncomfortable with or agree to because you are in fear. Hurting you with objects, involving other people in sexual activities without your consent, forcing you to watch or copy pornography and sharing or threatening to share intimate images of you.

Coercive Control

Coercive control is a persistent pattern of controlling, coercive and threatening behaviour, including all or some forms of domestic abuse (emotional, physical, financial, sexual, including threats) by a current or former intimate partner. It isolates, manipulates and controls ever-increasing parts of your existence. Coercive control is a criminal offence in Ireland.

Warning signs that you may be in an abusive relationship:

Complains that you spend too much time with friends and family, making you feel guilty if you don’t spend all your free time with them.
Sends you constant texts and gets mad if you don’t respond right away.
Tells you how to dress, criticises your clothes, and undermines your thoughts or feelings.
Has a bad temper, making you afraid to disagree with them.
Accuses you of cheating on them frequently.
Asks for all your passwords to check your messages.
Pressures or coerces you into sexual activities you’re not comfortable with.
Is physically violent towards you.
Controls your access to essentials like the car, family finances, food, the telephone, and the internet.
Threatens to hurt you, themselves, or others if you end the relationship.

The Impact on Children

Children are often the unseen victims of domestic abuse. This can be during the relationship and after separation. Your abuser may directly target your children, as well as your parenting. Children living with domestic abuse quickly learn that discussing it is unacceptable and may be dangerous.

They face trauma from witnessing or hearing the abuse and might be physically assaulted directly or while trying to protect a parent or sibling. Consequently, they often grow up with a pervasive sense of fear. Children often witness or overhear what is happening in the home and may not discuss it. Recognising this and being able to ask for help is important. Talk to us for support.

Call Our 24/7 Domestic Violence Helpline

If you are living with domestic violence or abuse, please know that you are not alone. We are here 24/7 to listen and support you with compassion and empathy through this difficult or dangerous time.